My Gratitude List

  1.  That the huge trees by the cemetery down the road are completely blighted, while nearby trees still have leaves. It is somehow so fitting and righteous.  I have noticed lately that cemeteries smell bad.  According to my mother I used to love them when I was a child.
  2. For the first signs of winter.  Last year it never seemed to come.  After four years back NE, shivering, I am eagerly awaiting a true winter season.
  3. For my beautiful apartment, which I will likely, or maybe not, being saying goodbye to.  The neighbors have hushed up, anticipating my going.  Today they heard me on the phone saying I may have to stay.  Here, I have a “H O M E” sign with a clock for the “O,” and a “LOVE” sculptured plaque with branches full of colorful parakeets on the wall to my left.  I’ll probably miss it a lot if I go.
  4. For the new mobile home, which I can only rent so far, and t h a n k y o u “Mom” and “Dad” for helping me to secure it.  If you do.  If I go there I will have privacy with my various embarrassing and disturbing health needs.
  5. For my ex-husband, who listened to me texting about suicide all day, God bless him.
  6. For the attorney who may be prosecuting my ex-husband for the assets he owes me.
  7. For poverty, which teaches humility.
  8. For life, which is full of contradictions.
  9. For my son, who remains a gift to me and I hope that I can be more of one to him.
  10. For the family cats, my mother’s and my son’s, who are the dearest creatures.
  11. For my mother’s beautiful antique home, in a beautiful park-like setting which she maintains; I get to visit sometimes and even though I feel uncomfortable there I appreciate the loveliness.
  12. For mother, who has the odor of love.
  13. For my father, who has given me so much that is bizarre and fascinating to preoccupy my mind in my damaged body all my life, for his protection, for the grace I have received through them.
  14. For situations like Thanksgiving 2016, and the ability to get my feelings about it out, as without this I’d be sinking right now.
  15. For God above, Jesus within, and the Spirit and my Guardian Angel to guide me, for all the saints and angels in Heaven who prevail over this Holiday and will make it come out right.
  16. For all the pain without consolation which God has given me in my life, which brings special grace, I have learned, and for the consolation He gives me now that I know Him better.  For relief from pain where I have it.  For every mark and scar on my deformed face and body, and there are hundreds of little notches from picking for nits.  Because they remind me of Jesus’ precious wounds and of his Fount of Life, Grace, and Hope for despicable sinners like me.

 

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