The birds are my friends.
I opened my locked down window, thinking I would let the sounds of life back in. I hear only the birds. Now, a car.
Th’Lord reminded me that I must lock down every night from now on.
I have two clean ashtrays. This is a delight. I use a set of four blue pyrex custard cups. Slowly my sensory world is coming back to me.
Two full days in that dream.
I think my ex read it, I think he was one of my likes. I am finally figuring out that the names like “xxxcrude” and “xxxjumbledwriter” and “You’re just a dumbass” really are directed at me. You aren’t allowed to say anything bad about a post here. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m guessing it. Took long enough. I’ve been confused for so long.
It was the extra Anafranil (for OCD) that got my head straight. My new neuropsych person prescribed it and it’s doing a wonder. A really awful therapist in Florida told me that I should “rehearse” things. I know about this. My rehearsing function was already damaged by the spasms. This put a monkey wrench in the words and destroyed what was left of my mental function. A bad therapist can do SO MUCH HARM. I talked to him about gang rape, which I gathered someone I knew had been a part of, it scared me. He said, “Some men like that, I don’t.” Gee thanks. I already know too much about the dark side of a man’s mind.
Fear is a handy way to get yourself straightened out and flying right. FEAR of God is key. Fear of men can bring it on.
So now I have to let my tight guts relax somehow. I masturbated for hours last night trying to take the dream off me. Very unusual for me. Didn’t work. I’m really damaged now.
10 min later: An irate phone call from my mother did the trick. Now I’m almost back to normal. Kid in trouble.
But I’m still going to lock up every night. From now on.
1/2 hour later: Every so often I orgasm the next day. Laughing now. (But still planning to lock up every night.)
Well that innuendo was a bit of a lie. Th’Lord pricked my conscience and sent me right back here even though an untoward voice told me to shut down the computer. No I didn’t fully orgasm for 1/2 hour and I still have a bad knot in my guts but I am getting spasms of relief here and there and my vagina contracted a bit. Which is very good and necessary because if I do come all over him the serial killer wount be pleased. You don’t want to piss off a serial killer. Yes he is real, I don’t know who he is or where her came from.