Was feeling good this morning, called my mother up figuring my ex would want me to (‘n I’m waiting on money from him, a considerable sum.) She didn’t have much to say but I’ve sensed her hovering over me here today and NOT for the good.
But now, whaddouno, there were people talking at the end of the walkway for a long time this morning, and a woman just knocked on the door of the downstairs neighbors’ saying “There’s been a report made…” I couldn’t hear the rest.
Obviously she was some sort of official.
She’s still down there.
I just can’t take the heat. It’s been a stressful weekend–positive stress, but hard stress. So I slept on and off until just a little while ago when this woman came in.
Whenever there’s a conversation going on it lingers for me. For an hour after it’s over. This is a horrible problem that started with bad meds locked up on a short-term facility psych unit for three months. So I never really know what’s going on and if for any reason I start to listen there’s extreme paranoia. All this is just starting to get to be too much. Just because I may be moving–they want to get me before I go. Or maybe it’s for me instead of against me. I have no way to know and can’t help assuming the latter. Paranoia that goes straight to the bone. Is painful. Intolerable. I wish I had something more positive to say. I guess it all goes to show that you don’t make idle threats in the supermarket about suing your neighbors’ homeowners insurance like I did last week. Must have gotten back to them. This woman is all about Face. It helps to blog it out. Otherwise I’d still be glued to my chair sweating and shaking.
Last week while I was having a loud dispute with my mother over the phone by an open window it came out that I went to both Harvard and the state hospital, so I’ve been on tenter hooks (an English expression referring I guess to the hooks used to hang a tent.)
10 min later
Hmm. the woman seems to have gone. I heard high heels. I can’t see anything from up here. [uh-oh I just heard them again.] Maybe someone called her on them FOR me. She stopped at the further down apartment, my next door neighbors, before, and after? she came here. Dunno But I can;t stand to brace myself again so I’ll just have to think it.