I was harmed.  then they put me in the state hospital.  I was sexually harmed.  At the state hospital they took my harm and turned it into sociopathy.  I had awful sexual fantasies that I kept secret.

Then Bill asked me, what are your sexual fantasies? when we were in bed.  I couldn’t say, because they were so bad.  I told him one that seemed okay, having sex with two men.  It wasn’t really sex I meant, just touching, an eroticism.  I saw the movie famous for the expression “fuck-you money,” I can’t remember what it was called, and saw the almost graphic portrayal of a two on one and didn’t like it at all.  I felt the woman was a real whore in reality to enjoy playing that part as she obviously did.

He had a fantasy about a “gang-bang” so we talked about that in bed, a two on one or a gang-bang, he liked me to tell him fantasies.

He took me for a whore.  I was harmed, fragile.  then during the divorce there was the last time we were in bed together.  It was rape.  I am just remembering it.  He tried to make me yell out the words of the fantasy so the neighbors would hear.  I was 50, harmed, fragile, beaten up.  I hate him.  I could never be with him again.  I hope you’re reading this Bill.

My next book will start here






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