I was harmed. then they put me in the state hospital. I was sexually harmed. At the state hospital they took my harm and turned it into sociopathy. I had awful sexual fantasies that I kept secret.
Then Bill asked me, what are your sexual fantasies? when we were in bed. I couldn’t say, because they were so bad. I told him one that seemed okay, having sex with two men. It wasn’t really sex I meant, just touching, an eroticism. I saw the movie famous for the expression “fuck-you money,” I can’t remember what it was called, and saw the almost graphic portrayal of a two on one and didn’t like it at all. I felt the woman was a real whore in reality to enjoy playing that part as she obviously did.
He had a fantasy about a “gang-bang” so we talked about that in bed, a two on one or a gang-bang, he liked me to tell him fantasies.
He took me for a whore. I was harmed, fragile. then during the divorce there was the last time we were in bed together. It was rape. I am just remembering it. He tried to make me yell out the words of the fantasy so the neighbors would hear. I was 50, harmed, fragile, beaten up. I hate him. I could never be with him again. I hope you’re reading this Bill.
My next book will start here