Butt-sitting

Speaking of mental journeys well, then, there’s my life.

Since deciding in a frenzy during the summer when I awaited matriculation at Harvard, that I wanted to be a writer (I needed a goal, a plan), I have been on the mental journey of “wanting to be a writer,” which, it turned out, was a trail already forged by many men and women both skilled and for-the-birds.

This has taken me a very, very long time to work out.

For many years I sat on my butt.  Butt-sitting was the closest I could get to “being a writer.”  I planned and rehearsed my coming book, “Voices,” about schizophrenia at a state hospital, which was where my butt was sitting just then.

The butt-sitting long outlasted the state hospital.  As an avid reader I had always been a butt-sitter of sorts, and there is also a biological reason for this in me, which I won’t go into here.  Well into my marriage my butt-sitting had taken a new form, laying down all day and night, even when I had a very young one to care for.  I was on Depakote and 40 mg of Stelazine a day.  I gained 50 pounds.  In this condition I lived my married life which is now over.

I have

my son.

This long journey, my life, my butt-sitting, my reading, my writing, ends here, I have so often recently avowed–“I’m dying” I have said, (“for the Lord told me.”).  I have consequently been patiently awaiting a blessed, good death, coming soon, any time now.  I have my book finally–a self-do-it number at a good self-doer press.  I have my reading and writing under control.  I sit on my butt, and there’s no relief but to write, so I blog.  I am a seasoned blogger.  I have been blogging oddly, often, proudly, and often scared for some 6 years now.  And hence I have my book, taken from my blog.

As the book goes into production, I am already on top of the new one.  It’s called (well, I’m not so stupid as to say that, because someone would scoop me.)   N I can’t say what it’s about, for this same and also for other reasons.  (Secrecy is of the essence.  Maybe that will change.)

First things first.  I have to change the title of this platform.  No no no, I’ll leave it for now.

Here it begins:  my next book.

And a new lease on life?  :Lord?

 

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