Right now I’m coming to the end, I think, of the longest mental trip, other than my marriage, that I’ve ever been on. It’s my six (?) year blogging journey, which has taken me out of my marriage, at least for now; and which led to a publishing project which has been ongoing for the last year.
Publishing! What a concept. I don’t know how or whether this will work out; but the combination of the blogging journey and the publishing project (i.e., what a trip!) have brought me to a place in my heart and in my mind that I couldn’t have imagined when I was a little girl reading books or young woman, still reading books, but also looking out and wanting to reach what was out there. That took running away from home, going to a prestigious college in the Northeast–and failing, failing, failing–all the way to a state hospital. The state hospital has taken up most of the rest of my life. It shows I’m still real in a way I can recognize, where for the longest time I wasn’t sure if I were even alive or dead.
That trip–talk about a mental journey–is what seems to be coming to a conclusion now. Through faith and prayer, in following the constantly shifting shadows and patterns in my mind, I have found my way back from the world of raging insanity which left me destitute in my soul, heartbroken, not even for real any more. More than anything else, in the last year the publishing project has brought me back into a reality I remember.