Verboten

The thing now is to avoid making another suicide attempt.

These are quite a trip also.

Generally the overdoses on psych meds

lead to brain damage.  The last one

led to heart damage.

I seem to have healed from the heart damage,

anyway the first overdose led to a strange heartbeat and a strange heart.

What was scary about the most recent

was that I was out of control.  I’m afraid I would do it again the same way.  I just had a moment of it a few minutes ago, where things spun out of control, in a minor way, and I remembered I might do anything in that condition.

There was a collision between my old insanity of PA, and my new existence here, that makes it impossible to repent of these actions and free myself from the fear.  I guess I have to just say I sinned inadvertently, and beg forgiveness.

 

Suicide is a might sin, but somehow it always leads me to a new place.

But these new places are not good ones, I can see now.  I can see the need for healing from each one, which I never recognized before.  I expected life to just be normal again, and it never was.  Now, I am slowly coming back home, which doesn’t necessarily mean HERE where I am, but in my heart,  The songs say we are never truly at home here on this planet Earth.

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