The thing now is to avoid making another suicide attempt.
These are quite a trip also.
Generally the overdoses on psych meds
lead to brain damage. The last one
led to heart damage.
I seem to have healed from the heart damage,
anyway the first overdose led to a strange heartbeat and a strange heart.
What was scary about the most recent
was that I was out of control. I’m afraid I would do it again the same way. I just had a moment of it a few minutes ago, where things spun out of control, in a minor way, and I remembered I might do anything in that condition.
There was a collision between my old insanity of PA, and my new existence here, that makes it impossible to repent of these actions and free myself from the fear. I guess I have to just say I sinned inadvertently, and beg forgiveness.
Suicide is a might sin, but somehow it always leads me to a new place.
But these new places are not good ones, I can see now. I can see the need for healing from each one, which I never recognized before. I expected life to just be normal again, and it never was. Now, I am slowly coming back home, which doesn’t necessarily mean HERE where I am, but in my heart, The songs say we are never truly at home here on this planet Earth.